These Things Take Time
As I sat down to write this, my mind met a deluge of all the goals I’ve not met so far this year. We’re not even out of January yet and there’s already a soundtrack in my mind about the myriad ways I’ve dropped the ball on my 2021 dreams. Oof!
In the past, I would not only hear this soundtrack playing, but I’d listen. Breaking that habit took a lot of time, hard work and introspection. I’m going to share my insights, as an obsessive planner and Highly Sensitive Person with anxiety (and perhaps a mild touch of chronophobia), on how to thrive within and live in peace with the sometimes oppressive passage of time.
Do you notice yourself carefully crafting a list of to-dos only to find yourself consistently falling short of your milestones?
The planning fallacy may help explain that. The planning fallacy posits that, despite past knowledge and experience, we inaccurately predict the time, resources and benefits of a given task. We tend to underestimate the amount of time we will need to complete our task, while simultaneously insufficiently resourcing the endeavor. To make matters worse, we may overestimate the benefits.
I’ve seen this phenomenon in action countless times while running my small art studio, Foreignspell. Even though I hand-pressed thousands of greeting cards, 4 years into running the business I still did not have an accurate assessment of the time it took me to fulfill an order. In response, I timed myself doing the process from beginning to end in order to have measurable, realistic data. I was able to carve out the necessary time needed to complete my future orders.
Now while we build up Boundless, I am facing this issue again. I’m not a confident writer. I don’t even particularly love writing, but I’m passionate about sharing the lessons I’ve learned and learning from our community in turn. Each time I sit down to write a new post, I arbitrarily decide it will likely take me 2 hours. Why? Because that sounds like a long time to me and these babies take quite a while. In reality, each post takes at least half of a work day. How could I not know this? I’m fully aware of the research, design, editing, and ever-present battle with my inner critic that accompanies each post. I also know that my co-founder, Abigail, needs time to offer her insights as well. So where is the disconnect?
Our optimism for the future in tandem with the rose-colored vision of our past skews the accuracy of how we interpret and predict our own results. When estimating how long something may take someone else, we tend to be less generous; predicting a more accurate amount of time and resources needed. We are so fascinating!!!
Knowledge is power! Now that you know this is a thing, you’ll have the foresight to realistically plan and maintain more accurate expectations for yourself. Being optimistic is beautiful as long as you don’t admonish yourself if you fall short of your high expectations.
Here are some tips on how to use time to your advantage:
Intentionally set goals. Try out our DREAMER goal-setting procedure.
Track your performance. Collect data to use as a resource for future planning.
Schedule deadlines. Set a concrete due date, along with a halfway mark.
Try a fear-setting exercise. Sometimes it’s true - what can go wrong, will go wrong. Be prepared!
Use time-blocking and batch work. Specifically schedule out each day or segment of each day for certain tasks to allow for that famed flow state.
Identify your favorite ways to procrastinate. Once you’ve got them in mind you can take precautions to avoid them.
Say no. When you need and want to complete a task, do not take on extraneous projects or indulge in distractions.
Don’t Give Up
My one official resolution was to cut out weekday sugar. Each day, my husband and I excitedly plan a special dessert which I have to consume almost immediately after my last bite of dinner. It’s a true addiction. As a child of parents who have smoked my entire life and a father who is a recovering alcoholic, I’m hyperaware and wary of repetitive behaviors. I’m realizing now… I betcha that’s why I’m so passionate about seeking a life of balance! I’ll need to investigate that. Anyway, I have had a sweet treat nearly every single night this year!
Now I have a choice:
I can say, “Fuck it! I’ve failed. Why bother? I’ve already wasted all this time. I’ll try next year. May as well bask in the glory of my nightly sugar bomb!”
OR I can ask myself, “What’s not working here? Why won’t I commit to something I’ve identified is important to me? How can I adjust?”
With so many more significant and meaningful challenges in the past, I’ve taken full advantage of the excuses I’ve offered myself to let certain dreams die. I didn’t know back then, but that was a manifestation of fear.
It takes time to cultivate curiosity and courage in the face of fear. It takes time to be patient with your perceived failures. It takes time to reassess, adjust, and recommit to endeavors of value to you. It may feel like giving up costs you less than investing this time and effort. Unfortunately, that’s another excuse wrapped up in a lie that feeds your ego. What a devious, delicious pig in a blanket of apathy and defeat. Don’t indulge! Many goals only get more difficult to complete when you give in to excuses. In the long run, you will be so grateful that you resisted the urge.
Next time you notice yourself making excuses to quit something you’re jazzed about:
Don’t give up!
Pause and reflect.
Be kind to yourself.
Assess and adjust.
When (not if) it happens again, rinse and repeat!
For the seemingly trivial example of my dessert dependence, I used the process above to optimize my plan of attack. I know I’m not going to give up so soon like I would (and have!) in the past. Upon reflection, I am continuing to eat too much sugar because - honestly - it makes me happy. Life sucks not totally infrequently right now. I’m also mourning the loss of my 20+ year old cat. I use eating as a way to self-soothe. Even though eating too much sugar ultimately destroys me physically due to my LC, it does uplift my spirits momentarily. Must I have the full sleeve of Oreos to feel joy? Nope! Would some berries suffice? Probably! Moderation is incredibly valuable to me as a child of addicts, so at the very least I will strive to adjust the amount and type of sugar I take in. Compromise! And if compromise just doesn’t come - that’s ok too. Listen to the body. Be forgiving. Give it time. Fostering awareness of my physical and emotional responses helps with a more swift return to habits that bring me health and sustained joy.
Is time on your side?
My answer for everyone is a resounding, “Yes!”
Easy for me to say as I’m not currently in the throes of a time-based crisis, but I promise you: you have time. The amazing things you want to accomplish are worth the wait and work. You’re not behind. This is not a race.
You’re truly never too old to get started on something you care about. I read this enlightening quote recently in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. When a person feels resistance at the beginning of their creative journey and asks, “But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano/act/paint/write a decent play?” She answers, “Yes…the same age you will be if you don’t.” Chills, right?
Let’s get started! Let’s practice patience and honor the power of pause. We can’t wait to see the evolution of your passion projects, and how you grow in kind.
What’s your relationship with time? What lessons have you learned as you work on your development? What tricks have you discovered as you craft your goals and life plans?
Time, As A Symptom
If time is ever on your mind: Joanna Newsom’s latest album explores time in powerful, symphonic beauty. Her work consistently helps me grapple with many of life’s existential challenges. Give Divers a listen!
Please share with us any tales of your journey you feel comfortable with - we love to hear it! This is such an incredible community and we are as happy to learn from you as you are to learn from us.
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Thank you,
🌞 Nicole
The interrogation of our feelings unlocks a deeper understanding of our values, purpose and fears. Instead of fleeing from uncomfortable emotions, let us practice exploration.