Your Sensitivity is Your Superpower.
Were you told as a child that you’re “too sensitive” or that you were making a big deal out of nothing? This reaction from people at a young age can push sensitive souls to feel shame for their emotions. It can take years to finally break down those protective, but damaging barriers and learn to trust, understand and accept our emotions again.
The ability to define our emotions is enlightening, in fact, it’s a superpower!
At times, even the smallest experience may overwhelm, confuse or polarize my thoughts. Learning nomenclature acts as a key to unlock such mysterious moments. I am afforded the opportunity to research and gain understanding of my reactions and motivations. It often validates strong emotions and confirms any intuitive reactions I can't initially trust or explain. I find without the tether of a definition I become listless, completely lost in an ocean of obsessive and stormy thoughts.
Next time you find yourself repeatedly revisiting a confounding moment, take time to step outside of your thought cycle and do some research…
Listen to your thoughts as a patient observer rather than getting swept away.
Head to the library or your local bookstore. There will be something for you on those shelves.
Talk to people you trust. Let them be your mirror.
Seek mental healthy therapy or counseling.
Type your exact thoughts into a search bar. You will likely find people grappling with similar issues.
Tap into the many wells of knowledge we are lucky enough to have at our fingertips. You may discover the piece you've been missing to move on, unburden yourself and grow.
The most significant example of understanding through the naming of things in my personal development was when I sought therapy amidst a traumatic relationship collapse in 2016. My therapist let me know my being deeply affected and experiencing huge emotions - not sleeping, crying constantly, experiencing physical manifestations of anxiety & sadness, overthinking, self-doubt - was completely normal because I'm a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
Even without the ability to dive into research in that very moment, I felt a deep clarity break open inside of me, followed by a wave of relief with a little crest of sadness. My relationships instantly made more sense. Instead of perceived failures being my fault because I was a sissy, they were illuminated as a mismatch in personalities. As a sensitive person, it's important to surround yourself with empathetic individuals and trust your intuition. If I have a more gruff person in my life, our relationship will flourish best if we both feel safe expressing our tendencies and possible triggers. We have to be ready to adjust our behavior from such conversations. Sometimes simple acknowledgment of our friction does the trick.
The bit of sadness came from feeling like I was trapped in a diagnosis of some sort. Being an HSP confirmed that I was different - that I wasn't on the same page as about 75% of people. Sometimes when we receive a diagnosis, we use it as a crutch to collapse into the dark side of ourselves. But nothing is completely negative. We can use anything to our strength to some degree. Even the worst can bring the best out of us. This is such an important perspective to keep in mind, especially during trying times. Viewing being an HSP from a fixed mindset does me no favors. When I'm in a crisis state - in conflict with a loved one, feeling sick, battling overwhelm, mourning a loss, experiencing any of life's most challenging moments - I find myself instantly blaming my deluge of feelings on my identity as a Highly Sensitive Person. I call it a curse, wishing I could exorcise myself from it. That's the dark side of having a name for something. It becomes easier to vilify. Keep an eye out for tendencies like this.
On a recent call with Abigail (who identifies as an empath), I cried wishing I could stop caring so deeply and get rid of my sensitivity altogether. Without hesitation, Abigail's response was that if I got rid of my sensitivity I would be getting rid of my superpower. She's right. I knew this intellectually, but had lost that truth in my heart. In that quick exchange she snapped me right out of my spiral of self-loathing. She awakened me to a greater realization about my relationship to my identity as a Highly Sensitive Person:
I mention it as an apology to others.
I use it as an excuse to myself for poor behavior and unhealthy patterns.
I wield it as a tool to wallow in challenging times.
I identify it as the source for all my physical ills.
I wish to be separated from it, as if it's not a significant part of why life is so incredibly intense - for better and worse.
All of these toxic, ego-based choices, rather than honoring it for the multitudes it gives. What about the joy, pleasure, bliss, frisson, color, taste, touch, entertainment? Everything from grief to gratitude shines vibrantly thanks to my sensitivity.
"Outsized" reactions to stimuli occur not only in painful situations, but in times of beauty or even in seemingly mundane moments. Everything I've read and researched reminds HSPs to revel in the gift of our sensitivity. I commit to heeding this advice from Abigail, experts and fellow HSPs. Here's how I'll do it:
1. Create a mantra to use as an anchor when my emotions carry me away:
”I am dynamic and deep. My ability to feel is a gift. I am grateful for this power source.”
2. Intentionally take in stimuli. Feed the facet of my sensitivity that is deeply moved by beauty, art, music, films etc. Hike every weekend. Go into green spaces a couple times during the work week. Visit a museum or gallery (when they open back up). In the meantime, take virtual tours or peruse art books. Watch a movie I’ve been putting off. I keep hearing amazing things about Nomadland. Listen to a new record. We just ordered Fiona Apple’s Tidal. I’m sure that will tear me into a million little pieces (in a good way). My experience in nature and with art is by far my favorite part of being highly sensitive. I have to build as many of these opportunities into life as possible.
3. Spend time with people who uplift. Set clear boundaries with energy vampires. Prepare if I know I must interact with someone who depletes me. Pause and reflect before responding immediately. Practice saying no.
4. Deliberately express gratitude to my sensitive soul. Bring awareness to moments of great joy and thank my sensitivity for being part of it. Right now she's probably a little bruised babe carrying a heavy load. She needs to be unburdened and acknowledged for all of the loveliness she brings to my life.
5. Recharge. Practice self-love and self-care. Indulge, treat, honor, restore & nourish my self and my body. I deserve luxurious indulgences in any way I see fit.
Next time I notice a shift toward darkness, I’ll remind myself: I'm extremely thoughtful. I build altruistic missions into my businesses. I try to make the people I love feel cared for. I recognize when I’ve made mistakes and work to make amends. I appreciate so deeply the incredible things people create. The smallest mushroom found in nature sends me into a tizzy. A good friend once said about me, “she cries when the wind blows.” I love this about myself. I will stop everything I’m doing to feel the wind on my skin with all my senses. Sensitivity is part of why I'm proud of who I am.
Does this resonate with you? Have you had a similar experience? Are you an HSP and/or empath? Do you have other tactics to keep your cup full up and your mindset properly calibrated? Tell us about your struggles and strengths in the comments below! We love to hear from you.
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Thank you for listening,
🌞 Nicole
The interrogation of our feelings unlocks a deeper understanding of our values, purpose and fears. Instead of fleeing from uncomfortable emotions, let us practice exploration.